As I began online dating a few years ago, I quickly realized I was going to have some trouble here in Northern California finding a match. I am one of the few females in this neck of the woods who doesn’t: hike, bike, sail, climb, ski, snowboard, ride, surf, do yoga, drink wine, travel or lastly, attend Burning Man. “Well, what DO you do?” I would often be asked. Let’s see, I work. Take care of my kids. Read. Shop? Uh oh.
The difficult question for me to answer was, “What are you looking for?” which is the kindred Sister question of, “What do you actually have time for?”. I struck out at these inquiries for quite awhile too. I am in a very small minority within the category of Single Mothers in that I have my kids 100% of the time and I am also the 100% breadwinner for my offspring. I have no free weekends, free nights, weeks off-you get the point. So what was I looking for? That took awhile to figure out but what I found in the process is that there are 8 types of men in online dating here in the beautiful Bay Area:
1. Helmet Guy
This is the most abundant type of man you will meet here in Northern California. He loves to run, cycle (mountain or road although you learn there is a BIG difference in gear alone), ski, snowboard (but not both probably because he specializes), race, surf, kite board, wake board and whatever other sport they will invent next. This guy is almost always looking for an “activity partner” to be sporty with. Men like doing things with their dates so this is not an unnatural request. I get it. But, unfortunately my main source of exercise these days is drying my clients hair so this was not a match.
2. Torso Guy
This guy just shows his upper body to give you a taste of his physique. As you can see, it isn’t always amazing but hey-at least you know what he’s got. He is only showing his torso because he just wants sex or wants to remain anonymous because maybe he is in a relationship? Not sure.
(Note-the above correspondence was his actual message to me. Hot, right?)
3. Sailboat Guy
He drinks wine, wears his sweater around his neck, might even belong to a Country Club. “Tennis anyone?” He is usually pictured on his boat at the helm. He is looking for a “lady” to go to Napa on weekends with. There is also a more rugged version of the Sailboat Guy which could be it’s own subcategory and that would be The Fisherman. He is always shown holding a big fish, presumably that he caught.
4. Tech Guy
Very, very common especially in SF is the guy who moved here to work in tech. It’s the new Gold Rush and these guys are here to “explore all SF has to offer”. Make no mistake, this is not to be confused by the “Work Hard Play Harder” guy who somewhat crosses all categories. (That’s the most common descriptor men use for themselves.) Tech guy works hard indeed but in his free time is into finding cool restaurants, live music and has only heard of Marin (where I live). Tech guy is probably my most favorite type because he likes to text a lot, he’s well read and curious but he has two major drawbacks. He has ROOMMATES and NO CAR.
5. Berkeley Guy
This is my least compatible type. He does yoga, rides his bike only because you shouldn’t have a car. Doesn’t want to date out of his zip code because it’s bad for the carbon footprint. He is often almost as smug as Seminar Guy (another sub category that crosses genres) who is a capital-A Asshole but goes to workshops at Esalen once a year so feels alright about it all. He accepts himself. Berkeley Guy likes me (hippie name, minimal make-up) until he finds out I work with chemicals and alter women’s appearances for a living.
6. Harley Guy
He’s a modern Cowboy really, with all his motorcycles instead of horses. He’s almost always featured riding one proudly. He is a throwback to a Bay Area before all the tech money came. He often has a mustache.
(Note-one site I was on for a long time does not use your real name and it was always fun to see what name was chosen for oneself. Hotwhiz69…wonder what that meant?)
7. Burning Man Guy
This can be a sneaky one to discern because in a lot of pictures, he looks like a regular guy but wait for it. Keep looking at his pictures because there is always that one that gives him away. The picture where he is in front of the Temple at “La Playa”. He has a distinct sparkle in his eye. He’s definitely looking for a kindred, adventurous spirit. I even met one who called himself a “Bliss Pimp”. I have a lot of brilliant and amazing friends who attend Burning Man and I am happy it is there for them. It’s just not for me at this time so I am not the girl for this guy.
8. Last but not least, Giants Guy
He is always at a game. It can be the 49ers or the Raiders or the Giants or the A’s or the Warriors. He is in pictures with his buddies, holding a beer or a kid. He is a fan. Fun for him revolves around sports. We have amazing teams here so he is always busy!
Ladies, it’s not a lost cause. There will be that guy who defies categorization or maybe crosses categories and isn’t as easily summed up as I have made it seem here. Men have horrible things to say about us too. It’s now common practice to heckle women for their come-hither cleavage pics, duckface selfies, yoga poses on a mountain and relaxed pictures with our cats.
As the late, great Mike Mitchell once said, “There is an ass for every seat.” He was a Race Car Driver and a Plumber.
Maya, this is great. Can’t deny it you basically nailed it. 😉 I hear all about this online dating and the dating world today. Very unique. I hope you find that special person to be there for both you and your child. ☺
Thank you Pete! If you go back to an early post called, “On Unicorns” you will see where this all ended.
Will do. 😉
Fun read Maya. I’ve often wondered about this online dating thing and am thinking of trying it out. Thanks for the insight.
Nice column, Maya. Although these are just the most common stereotypes. There are several sub-categaries as you say, and among them is Vegan Boy. You know, the guy (or gal) who thinks anyone who eats animals is committing a crime against the planet. Those highly enlightened folks who have decided that they are just SO one with nature that they aren’t really a part of the food chain.
On the other hand, it is so easy (and fun!) to categorize everybody. But, if you are really looking for a mate, or a date, or a partner, you’ll go by all that crap and pick the ones without lists.
That’s how Carol and I met. Neither one of us had a ‘list’ of what we wanted in the other person.
What we had in common: We were both part time parents.
Hey, it’s worked out so far!
Laughing Out Loud! Perfect! Eagerly awaiting (Part 2)!!
Woo Hoo!!!#!!!! 😁
Have you given this up for now ?
Don’t forget your the “TRUTH “
I don’t know. I am 💔 at the moment. What is the quote, the price of love is loss?
I will keep you in my prayers.